Survival Mode Drarry
by aemaly
Summary: Draco is just trying to get rid of his old self, but it's hard, when Voldemort still haunts his mind. When Harry find's out about this, and just how much Draco has changed, will he help him? and from this help will new things emerge? the good, the bad, and the scary?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Draco's POV

"listen... young Draco" i heard him say to me. no... not again, i can't stand his voice again!

it was all dark and i only heard him, Voldemort. but he's dead, Potter killed him, and i'm his last "follower" at Hogwarts. i never really was a follower, i was in survival mode. just trying to stay alive, with my father and HIM and all the other dark wizards who wouldn't hesitate to kill me if i spoke out of turn. i did what i had to do to stay alive. yet in the end i still chose my tormentors over what i truly felt was right.

"i have a task for you..." he told me.

"i don't want it," was all i said, but it felt so powerful to me, denying him.

"Draco, give me your mind!" he ordered regardless of what i said.

"no." i argued back. something clicked though and i couldn't breath, i was drowning in a see of thoughts. so many things.

"listen, deny, obey, restrict, count, lose, fight, fail" so many things going through me before i jumped awake, a great throbbing in my head.

"whats the matter malfoy?" teased my dorm mates but i just heard him, HIM the man i fought to lose for years.

looking at the clock it was breakfast and i felt a churning in my stomach.

"i am all the resources you need," he whispered to me.

i jumped up and looked around, he wasn't there. he was in me now, getting into my head.

i got dressed all the same and forced myself down to breakfast.

"trust in me Draco, you don't need this, you need what i tell you. find a unicorn!" he ordered me. i know what he wanted, he wanted me to drink it's blood, feeding him.

i sat down alone and got a few eggs on my plate. they smelled awful, they tasted awful, and i just couldn't swallow. i spit them out and left, passing by Potter and the golden Trio on my way out. people swarmed to them inviting them to come eat, i just... couldn't.

back in the dorm i heard him again.

"the library child, go, find the book discovery of man." he told me.

"shut up..." i told myself pulling my knees to my chest.

"silence you fool! i, am your master, you, obey me." he told me calmly, but in such a tone that i got chill.

"i'm not listening to you anymore!" i snapped in my head.

i could feel my physiological reflexes kicking in, pushing me back into survival mode, once again


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

wake up, brush teeth, drink water, ignore him, make him angry, suffer the consequences, go to class, make him angry again, suffer again, try and eat, spit it out, leave dinning hall, go to more class, make him more angry, suffer more, go to bed, repeat.

for three months, a handful of food going into me, and solitude. no one wanted to talk anyways, not like i would even make much sense, i don't think I've spoken to anyone real in this time. just arguments with myself it appears.

i was walking to class my hair a mess and in my face, growing down to my shoulders from lack of grooming. i stared at the floor, not speaking, not watching, not even thinking, just... listening.

"the library!" he ordered me.

"shut up..." i muttered, before i crashed into someone.

"hey!" he shouted, of course it was him, Potter." i grabbed my things from off the floor and continued on without a word.

"hey! wait!" he called after me, his friends protests audible.

he came up.

"are you alright? no, 'watch where your going Potter' no, 'i'll need to wash my robs now' not even a 'my father will hear about this?'" he joked, trying to get a rise out of me, i didn't have the energy for it, like i said, survival mode.

"hey... Draco?" he asked.

"kill... him..." Voldemort urged. something took over, i began twitching my fingers uncontrollably, my eyes looked over to him against my will. my hand grasped my wand, before...

i ran.

as fast and far as i could, getting away from him, from both of them. though i could leave Potter behind, there's no escaping the voice. the voice that's always there, that never leaves me alone, that takes control, and scratches marks all over my skin, before i ever see it.

i got to the slytherin common room, it was empty. i fell to the floor and i felt it, the scratching at my arms and legs, the pain, as i tried to rub off the invisible claws, it wen't deeper. for some reason blood never left my wounds, NEVER, probably because he knew that people would notice, if not students, the washing elves.

it stopped after about ten minutes of the clawing. i felt my mind clear for a moment, i got a thought process going for once... Potter, i need to talk to him. Now


	3. Chapter 3

Harry's POV

it was lunch time, and i was the first of my little friend group to get to the dinning hall. suddenly, and out of the blue, Draco approached, odd.

"we need to talk." he told me, not looking at me, his voice rough and scratchy.

"why, you want to have a insult war?" i joke.

"shut up, this is serious... before i lose it, before it takes over again!" he begged, worry laced in his voice.

"okay, common," i tell him before we stand up, and walk a fair distance away from each other so as not to draw suspicion.

we make it into an empty hallway and i see him fidgeting with his arms, rubbing at them furiously, as if trying to push something off.

"what is it Malfoy?" i ask.

he looks at me through his hair and i get a glimpse of his eyes. those icy blue eyes were laced with fear, bags under them, stress lines. he didn't look well.

"Draco, tell me." i say. his mouth quivered for a moment almost afraid to tell me.

"i-i hear him..." he whispered almost inaudibly.

"who, you hear who?" i asked, afraid of the answer.

"you, KNOW, who." he told me. i froze, he's gone though, dead, forever.

"what is he telling you to do?" i ask.

"a book, in the library. the discovery of man or something like that. i-i don't trust it, but whenever i say no, i-" he stops as tears start to leave his eyes and run down his face.

"you what?" i ask.

slowly he rolls up his sleeves to reveal, wounds, tones of wounds, and more appearing by the second.

"i don't know what he does ,but it's how he punishes me, for disobeying. it's how he gets me to do things, and i can feel him getting more and more control. he's telling me to kill you right now, so i didn't bring my wand. i- just- make it stop!" he screamed finally hitting the sides of his head before falling to the ground in tears.

i crouch down and try to comfort him.

"three months! three god awful months of how i used to be! no thoughts, no feelings, no word! my brain shuts down, and i can't get it back on for what feels like years! just waiting for someone, anyone to help!" he cries

"Draco, what else has he made you do? what has he told you?" i asked

"i can't eat, i put it in but it tastes awful, i try to swallow but my throat closes up, he lets me eat enough to stay alive, and that's it. he tells me, weird riddles, speaking in tongues i don't know, telling me, telling me how he's going to enjoy picking me apart till i break... i'm scared..." he admits.

"Draco, common, we gotta get you to McGonagall, she'll know what to do." i told him, before taking him by the arm and began walking as fast as i could. it felt like i was dragging dead weight, looking back he had a blank stare, i did't like it. it just wasn't right.

"Professor McGonagall?" i ask, going up to her, she was talking to another teacher before turning.

"yes, Mr. Potter? Mr. Malfoy?" she says, calmly but confused.

"it's Malfoy, he's- well... i don't know how to describe it exactly..."

"what is it, Mr. Malfoy?" she asks, Draco stares at the floor, not saying anything.

"Draco! tell her what you told me!" i demand, he starts fidgeting with his arms again and shifting his legs uncomfortable.

"i gotta get to class-" he states quickly before leaving as fast as possible before i can stop him.

"would you care explaining this Mr. Potter?" she asks, curiosity with a touch of worry in her voice.

"he, he say's he's hearing him, Voldemort. telling him to do things, and to hurt people, he's took me aside and told me that he's scared..." i say, worriedly.

her face was unreadable for a moment before she sighed.

"please keep an eye on him Mr. Potter, this could be many things, none of them good." she says.

"do you think what he's hearing is... real, Professor. don't you?" i ask, worried she didn't.

"Draco and i have talked about his time as a Death Eater, it very well could be wizards Madness, from some things he has seen. it also could be the latter." she said calmly.

i saw those scratches clawing at his arms, was he making them appear though? could one do it without knowing? i'm confused, i think i just need to find Draco, and talk to him... alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Draco's POV

it must have been at least one in the morning, i was in the bathroom by the toilet, clenching my stomach, as he wretched at my insides, before i heaved up another load of what looked to be blood mixed with stomach acid, i took off my shirt as i felt blisteringly hot, he was cursing at me. this being the worst it's ever been.

"you foolish boy! how DARE you tell ANYONE of our, shall we say, Partnership." i could hear him smirking.

i didn't say anything, now is not the time to make him any angrier.

i heard the door creak open all of the sudden, and then footsteps, before another lurch in my gut as i clutched the toilet bowl. my dry heaving echoing through the bathroom.

"hello? are you alright!?" i heard Potter banging on the door.

i couldn't speak, my throat burning from the acidic mixture.

it didn't take long after i sat back down that Potter unlocked the door and burst in, seeing me there with what must have been blood running down my neck and torso.

his eyes widened and he looked terrified.

"Draco..." he muttered coming up and kneeling down next to me

"what is happening Malfoy?" he asked, fear dripping in his words.

i just hold out my hand for him to help me up, hoping he'll be kind enough to do so. he obliges and i stumble over to the sink, splashing off the stain on my face and taking a big drink to clear out my esophageal, till my throat closes up, him signaling that i cannot have any more. it was enough though, i can speak at least.

"go..." is all i say.

"Malfoy, you do realize what i just saw don't you? this is madness!" he exclaims.

"me telling you is how this happened in the first place, i can't tell you any more!" i state.

"good, that's good." Voldemort whispers to me.

"Draco, you're a skeleton, and all those scratches, their all over you..." he mourns, eyeing my bare torso, i feel a blush rise to my cheeks, for some unknown reason.

"what, you think i did this? you think i want this! I've been in survival mode for so long that it seams like the only time i think straight is when something bad is gonna happen to me!" i yell.

"silence!" Voldemort yells in my ear.

i sit down on the floor and sigh, running a hand through my hair, i look up at him, worry still on his features. deciding he's not gonna leave me i gesture to the tile beside me. as he sits down i can feel his gaze.

"i had a dream..." i start, before pausing, no one says anything, and that's the strange part to me.

"i had a dream, that he was talking to me, but no one was there, just a dark mark hanging there. after i woke up i just... I've heard him since, all the rituals he brought into me, started then too." i show him my arm with the only healed wounds on them, over my old Dark mark, scratching it out of sight.

"its like him saying that i'm not a Death Eater anymore. i'm honestly fine with that." i sigh.

"why did you become one in the first place?" he asks.

i thought for a long time.

"i was scared..."

silence, so i continue.

"my own father threatened to kill me, if i didn't kill Dumbledore first, i couldn't do it... Snape did it for me, after that. after witnessing my first proper death of someone i actually quite liked. my brain shut down, i don't remember much from then, just being really scared of everyone around me. lots of threats, yet i still chose them over what i knew in my head was right..." i finished.

"so why is he choosing you then?" Harry asked.

"probably because i'm the last 'follower' in Hogwarts, and this is the place where he has the most power, where he lost it all." i shrug.

"silence!" Voldemort shouts at me finally, i was wondering when he would do that.

"do you have any idea what his plan is?" Harry asks.

i just shrug, i have a vague clue on it but it would be a bad thing to share that, a VERY bad thing.

"common, let's get you back to your room." Potter tells me as i put my night shirt back on, he lifts me up, though i kinda wanted to stay there. i know he's only helping me cause he wants to get rid of Voldemort, after that i'll be kicked to this curb, but this, talking to him, him holding me up, it almost felt nice. or it could be that i'm so isolated and touch starved that anythings nice that isn't directly painful.

he gets me to all the way to the Griffindor common room before we stop for a break, me for some reason out of breath, and him tired from carrying my dead weight.

"so why were you in the bathroom anyways?" i ask him, as we sit against the wall.

"my scar starting hurting, something just told me that i needed to go there, so i did." he explained. i nod before i get back up and force myself to walk the rest of the way, Potter close behind me.

a prefect sees us walking but i think he got the cue that we are to be left alone, also i get the feeling that Harry can kinda do whatever he wants now a days, to a fault. once we arrive to the dungeon i turn to Harry, not sure what to say.

"go inside!" Voldemort snaps.

"night," is all i say before going in, leaving Harry out there.

i was grateful he helped me out, and probably was the ending for any further punishment, but i'm not ready to test Voldemort any more tonight.

i crawl into bed as i feel the numbness come back to my head. i don't know what causes this coping mechanism in my brain, but it just happens, why does it always happen when it involves Potter?


	5. Chapter 5

Harry's POV

it's been a week since i found Draco in the bathroom, and i haven't seen him since. it's getting me worried to the point that when i can't sleep i get out the marauders map and try to find him on it, he's no where in his dorm where he's supposed to be, or even in the Slytherin common room, by the fire. tonight however i see him out in the hall, passing by the Gryffindor's quarters and then walking back then up again and back, he's pacing.

i finally get up and walk out to find him.

"what are you doing out here?" i ask, he looks stunned to see me, staring blankly for a moment.

"how did you know i was out here?" was his response.

"nevermind, but... i haven't seen you in a week, not even in class. why is that?" i ask.

"it-it was visiting time at Askaban, went to see my mum..."he says, almost ashamed.

that got me stunned.

"your- she's in Askaban?" i ask, in disbelief.

"my father too, but i refused to visit him," he explains.

"common," i say, opening the door for him and gesturing for him to come inside. he hesitates, as we're not really allowed inside any other common room then our own houses, but after a moment he steps inside.

in the light of the fire i see him wearing a simple flannel, and baggy pants, both extremely large on his small frame. i go and sit on the sofa as he stands there awkwardly, not sure what to do, till i tell him to come over. as he sits down i think of something to ask him.

"why aren't you in bed?"

"most nights when i am i can't sleep, no real point trying anymore" he sighs.

"and when you do sleep?" i ask, kinda knowing the answer.

"nightmares." as i suspected.

"oh, i'm kind the same..." i tell. that earns me a quizzical look.

"so, my mother mentioned something about her helping you in the end," Malfoy starts.

"and?" i ask.

"is it true?" i think for a moment on what to say.

"yes, she asked me if you were alive and i told her you were, so she lied to Voldemort." i explain before Malfoy gets a pained expression and rubs his forehead for a minute.

"what's wrong?" i ask.

"nothing i- it's nothing..." is all he says before i realize he's probably getting protests from the voice in his head, which i now whole-heartedly believe is 'You Know Who'

"have you eaten today?" i ask, eyeing his small, beat up wrist.

"i tried, i try almost every day, but it only works for a few bites a week," he explains.

"i'll be right back." i say, before going over to the medicine cabinet and take out bandages and healing corneal before coming back and taking his arm in my hand.

"this might sting." i tell him before i start to apply the potion, both of us silent save for the crackle of the fire. after i finish both arms i wrap them in bandages.

"that should be healed by morning." i tell him.

"they'll just come back," he sighs.

"is that why you don't heal them?" i ask.

"i used up all the supplies in the Slytherin cabinet." he confesses.

that got me confused, didn't they have a replenishing spell placed on them, at the end of each day? i simply nod before we fall into a strangely comfortable silence.

"what was life like for you before this? before school?" Draco asks, breaking the silence.

"doesn't everyone know?" i ask.

"i never really read the articles, i knew you weren't treated well, but that's about it." he explains.

"well, i actually grew up in a broom cupboard till i was twelve, didn't get to eat much honestly, my best day ever was getting an ice lolli and going to the zoo, that was also my first memory with magic,"

i tell him how i let the snake out on Dudley and how all the letters flooded their house. at some point i felt a weight on my shoulder, looking over Malfoy had fallen asleep on me. i know i used to have wanted to have this opportunity to turn him into a pig or something. but he looked so peaceful for once, so different to how he usually looked now. Knowing what he's going through with so little rest, i moved his head to my lap. i used my fingers to brush the hair out of his face, it was soft as silk. i saw his face fully for the first time since the school year started, and his cheeks were hollow, the same bags under his eyes, but the stress lines had left, and he looked at peace. i dare say he looked handsome... but not in a weird way, no... just kinda, better then i expected to find him.

after mindlessly contemplating this thought of Handsomeness for a while i realized i was still running my hands through his hair when my fingers found a small knot. it had gotten much longer, to the point he looked a bit like his father. not much though, his eyes weren't cold and angry, they were soft, and scared when I've seen them. thinking back to all our interactions they have this shadow of stress in them, like he knew something was coming, but didn't know what.

i dozed off at about half three in the morning and woke up the alarms upstairs going off.

looking around it took me a minute to remember where i was, and what the weight in my lap was.

i looked down and nearly jumped out of my skin to find Draco Malfoy there, his face towards the fire and his arms crossed and legs tucked in.

i almost didn't want to wake him as i felt a warmth in my chest, but if i don't Hermione or worse, Ron will find him here, so i shake him awake, gently. and as he opens his eyes and looks up, i can't seam to make eye contact.

he bolts to his feet as if he'd just touched fire, and looks at the floor.

"i- um- i should- uh... yeah." is all that was said before he turns around and leaves, only moments later did Ron come out the Dorm looking for me.

"there you are Harry! I've been wondering where you've gone!" he says, coming up. i act more tired then i was and claim i'd fallen asleep there by mistake, it's half true isn't it?


	6. Chapter 6

Draco's POV

i can't do it anymore! i'm gonna see just what it is he want me too, and then destroy it.

i walk into the library, with him telling me exactly where to go, i go to the forbidden section, and right as i'm about to go in, Granger steps in front of me from no where and scares the shit out of me!

"where do you think your going?" she asks as i clasp my chest.

"jesus! scare me to death why don't you?" i ask. she looks puzzled by me showing actual weakness for once, but i want the old me to be as good as dead, which it is.

i look her over text book in hand and wand at the ready, can i trust her? it's better then nothing.

"come with me, i may need help." i say, walking past her.

"and why should i help you?" she scoffs.

"because this isn't me just shitting around like the prick i usually am, okay? this is serious!" i state, she looks hesitate before following me down the halls, suddenly i don't have his voice leading me there, now that Hermiones here. but i know vaguely where it is as he's told me many times it's exact placement.

though his voice was gone i did feel a sharp grip on both my arms , like the ghostly claws were threatening a scratch on the freshly healed skin.

i get to the back of the shelves.

'what are you planning at?" she asked, worried.

scanning the shelves i spot it and immediately feel a jolt through my body to reach for it, holding back i take my wand and throw it across the room so as to not have him cast any spells i don't want him too.

"what?" she asks, very confused.

"look, theres a book here, that may be able to bring you know who back an-" her wand was in my face.

"how dare you even-"

"let me finish!" i demand, pushing her wand away.

"i am going to get it out, i am going to open it. and when i tell you too, i want you to destroy it. understood?" i ask.

"why do you need to open it?" she asks.

"i need to make sure it's the right one cause vandalizing the library has higher fines then you think." i state with a straight face.

i slowly take out 'The Discovery of Man' and open it, flipping through each page with Grangers eyes burning into me... a faint glow... at the middle of the book is a yellow light.

i look at Granger, urging her to point her wand, she does so as i turn there, scanning the page... no... no no nonononono!

it's not true... it can't be... it just- it CANT!

i throw the book closed on the ground as i hear him laughing in my head.

"burn it! destroy it something!" i yell.

"Bombarda!" she casts, making the book set on fire in a huge blaze as i hurry to retrieve my wand.

as i reach it she's already there.

"what did you see?" she asks, aiming her wand at me once again.

i look at her dead in the eye.

"i-i saw everything," was my only explanation. i don't know the everything that i saw, it was just... everything.

she lowers her wand, seeing that i wasn't meaning to do harm as i slowly walked out off the forbidden wing, and out of the Library. i didn't see her but i could feel eyes on me the entire way down to the Slytherin common room, as i sorted through just what i had seen.

i didn't see everything everything, i saw HIS everything. his plan, what was going to happen, and how i was supposed to be his vessel for all of it, i can't do that. i can't be a part of another war, i can't LEAD another war, i can't let this happen again,

i felt the nails digging into me again, looking around no one was there... but one of the other dorms had made a batch of sleeping potion to have around in case someone couldn't sleep. it was seven viles worth, that should do it.

going over i tip each one back as it ran down my throat, till all was gone. laying down on the couch i feel myself getting drowsy. and the claws shaking me to get me to wake up,

"stop this now Draco! heal yourself! before it's too late! we can be great! you can be great! finally make your father proud!" he yells at me, trying to tempt me.

"my fathers a pig, and so are you..." i say, before i lose all feeling of life, and drift into the cold, where i find two people waiting for me.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry's POV

i was sitting in class, waiting for it to start, mostly everyone was here but the teacher was late, twenty minutes late! Hermione gets back from checking with the other classes with worry on her face.

"all the others say their teachers are missing too!" she announces before Professor McGonagall runs in,

"Potter! come with me, it's an emergency!" she demands.

"why? what's wrong?" i ask, fear arising in me.

"it- it is not wise to say in front of students but... Mr. Malfoy is asking for you, he's in the infirmary, come at-" she didn't finish before i was out of the room like a shot. somethings wrong, somethings very wrong and i know it.

i got to the infirmary, looking around frantically, he was the only one in a bed. it was almost as if all the teachers were there as nurses ran around him. he was shirtless as they patched all the scratch marks on him, they had a spell of oxygen flowing through him, you could see the faint bubble around his face.

he was paler then usual too, every bone visible as they tried to get him conscious. McGonagall caught up to me and i just stared.

"what happened?" i asked, i wasn't around him for long, but he actually made me feel at peace, almost happy. and the night we fell asleep on the sofa together, i didn't have nightmares, i would almost say i had a good dream. what happened?

"he was found by some Slytherin students on the sofa in their common room, he would not wake up so they got the nurse, he was found to have drank seven doses of sleeping potion." she said grimly.

two doses is enough to knock you out for a week, but SEVEN?

was... was this a suicide attempt?

"have you been keeping an eye on him Mr. Potter?" she asked me, referring to the Wizards Madness theory.

"it's not that, he really did have Voldemort in his head, i just know it, I've seen his body being manipulated and pushed by him, without Draco's consent. he's... he's told me the things Voldemort said to him and that IS what he would say... and if it's not Voldemort it's something much worse." i tell her.

"we'll have the nurses do an evaluation. IF he has had a person in his head, controlling him, then... well, there may be a more peaceful option then getting it out..." she said lowly, and she hated saying it, i glared at her, she didn't mean just... letting him go?

the Nurses ushered the teachers out, as i walked up, now seeing that Draco was conscious but just barely.

"Draco?" i ask, sitting in the chair next to him, and taking his small bony hand in mine.

his eyes opened ever so slightly and he tilted to look at me before closing them again.

what pushed him over the edge? what punishment was inflicted? how could it have been so bad, that he had to do this?

i sat there contemplating this for a long while, till i heard my name being called, turning i saw Ron and Hermione there.

they stopped when they saw just how bad Draco looked, the bandages covering him his ghostly appearance, and me gripping his hand that i had no plans of letting go, no matter how cold and limp it was.

"Harry, what happened?" Hermione asked coming up.

"he- it was... Suicide..." was all i could get out. Hermione gasped and Ron didn't say anything.

"Harry, you should know that... the last time i saw Draco, he was acting strange, he had me fallow him into the Forbidden wing, and... he was getting a book... after he looked inside, he threw it on the ground and told me to destroy it, when i asked him what it was... he was weird and said he saw, Everything."

that was puzzling to me, what did he mean by Everything?

as i wondered that i saw a single scratch go down his arm and one beside it, they started to mean something.

"look!" i exclaim to the nurse, she comes around and her eyes widen in horror as they spell,

"Voldemort's Property"

she screamed and rang for Professor McGonagall.

Hermione and Ron looked at it worried.

"what does this mean?" asked Ron.

"Draco came to me a while back, telling me about how he heard Voldemort, how he wasn't allowed to eat, or speak, or sleep sometimes. he told me he was scared." i sighed

"Harry, i think i know what this is?" Hermione said.

"what?" i ask, perking up.

"i haven't read much about it in the wizarding world as it's very rare, but there are stories in a muggle religion, about possession... a monster, taking over a humans body, talking to them and telling them what to do." she says scared.

i feel a chill run up my spine, I've heard of Possession and now looking back at it, it fits the bill. right as i was about to say something, McGonagall walked in


	8. Chapter 8

Draco's POV

there were two figures waiting for me in the bright light, is it Dubledore? Professor Snape? no.

instead it is a man and a woman i don't recognize, except the eyes on the woman, those feel oddly familiar.

"hello Draco," she smiles at me.

"who are you? are- am i dead?" i ask, hopefully.

"no, but you got close." chuckled the man.

"we need you to do something for us, Draco." asked the woman.

"why? i don't know you,"

"spoken like a slytherin," the man laughs again.

"James!" snaps the woman, so his name is James.

"what do you want?" i asked, a bit nervous now.

"that's for later, come, meet the family." smiles the woman, she has this warm nurturing smile that told you everything was fine, so i followed. we walked down the white terrain, that was like a never ending tile, till a table came into view, seating four people.

"hello there! young, Draco!" announces who i recognize as the dark arts professor in third year, Ramus Loopin. next to him a man with black hair and a jagged beard, then a woman with light pinkish hair, and then my old house elf Dobby who i was unfit fully awful too.

"hey..." is all i can say. the scruffy man gestures to a chair across from them at the table. as i sit down i see Dobby looks quite nervous, i try and give him a comforting smile, but that only seams to scare him more.

"so, why are you all here? if i'm not dead, but you all are... what does it mean?" i ask.

"ah Draco we just wanted to get a feel for you, since you'll be... occupying, the company of a dear friend of ours very soon." say's Ramus.

"master Draco..." Dobby speaks up.

"no need to call me that, just Draco." i correct, politely.

"uhm, Draco... i sense as though you've changed a lot, not just from You Know Who being in your head, but all around, is it... true?" he asks nervously, fiddling with his shirt that was too big on him but looked better then the rags we used to make him wear.

"i hope it is, but speaking of HIM... do any of you know how to get him out?" i ask. the woman smiles.

"you'll find someone, who can chase Voldemort away, who can make you feel whole again, and we're just here to let you know, that we approve." she said. i nod, still confused.

"what is your name?" i ask her.

"lily," she smiles.

"well, who is it? can you give me a sort of clue?" i ask.

"they've felt the same claws of Voldemort, just like you have, only once long ago. but that is no different then what you feel now." said the woman with pinkish hair

"by the way there are more people who would like to meet you but we decided to keep it close and intimate, we'll bring the rest of the gang at your next brush with death," the man with the scruff smiles.

Lily takes my arm and gets me to my feet, before she and i are walking down where we came, away from the table, she holds onto my arm tightly, but calmly, as i start to see a door.

"one more thing, take care of them will you? their just as hurt from the war as you are," she tells me, before giving me a kiss on the cheek and turning to walk away.

"lily! um, what should i expect... when i wake up?" i ask.

she turns around and smiles sweetly once again and i can tell something nice is to be said, maybe my mother out of prison to see me? the voices gone? old friends?

"screaming," she reveals, before walking away, and disappearing in the white light.

"screaming?" i whisper to myself, this can't be good.

i turn to the oak door, with brass handles and hinges. walking up as i push the door open,

there was indeed, a lot of screaming.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry's POV

Draco woke up a few hours later screaming in pain at the medicine that was administered to get the sleeping potion out. before he began to vomit it all up in a bucket beside him. Hermione and Ron were there, but i think he really only noticed me and McGonagall. after about ten minutes of his fitful heaving and Ron snickering inappropriately at it Professor McGonagall shooed them off to dinner.

Draco finally laid back after the mixture of screaming and vomit was presumably over.

"how do you feel?" i asked, i had kept my hand in his, till he woke up and i hope he didn't mind. also might not have noticed too.

"i feel like shit..." he said with a raspy voice. i ask a nurse to bring some water and she runs off to get it.

"do you have reasons for your actions?" McGonagall asked, a bit more formal than it should have been.

"i found out his plan, Voldemorts. i assume Potters told you what's happening, he wants to use me, i'm supposed to start a new war, with a new army, and i'm gonna make horcruxs and- he has a thousand year plan to use me as a means to rule both the wizarding world and the muggle world... i don't- i can't be a part of that, i just CANT!" he explained.

damn, is that what that book was for? that held the plans?

"where did you find these plans? did he tell you them?" asked McGonagall, as the nurse came back with water.

"Granger destroyed them like i asked." Draco said as he took the water and downed the glass.

"well, rest Mr. Malfoy, we should have you out of the Infirmary by tomorrow morning, however there is a matter of a supervision period." she said, Draco was already asleep though. i turned to McGonagall

"what do you mean supervision period?" i ask.

"it is much like a suicide watch, we shall assign a prefect to watch him for a couple weeks, and we'll have him start visiting the school counselor." she explained.

"would it be possible if, I watched him?" i asked her. she raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"why is that Mr. Potter?" she asks.

"well, he seems comfortable around me, and if he does run off i have ways of knowing where he's going, please Professor, let me help my friend?" i asked, shocked by the words that came out, was Draco my friend? it felt like it, i was the only one really here when this happened, and the only real person he's had to talk too, so i guess so.

"oh, very well Mr. Potter. we will arrange for you to have a temporary bed in the Slytherin Dorms. BUT, no funny business." she states strictly, before walking away.

what is that supposed to mean?

i sit there and wait for him to wake up and notice it's dinner time when the nurse brings two trays of food, one i hope is for me. my hopes being correct after handing me one she gently shakes Drake awake to eat.

after she leaves Draco takes the tray into his lap as he sits up.

i look at my tray as well and see chicken with soup and some veggies and a pastry.

Draco pauses for a minute, deep in his head.

"is You Know Who, talking right now?" i ask.

"yeah," he sighs.

"what's he saying?" i ask.

"that i tried to ruin his plans and don't deserve to eat," he said before taking his napkin in hand before lifting up a bite of chicken to his mouth.

i try not to stare but the struggle is so odd to me, putting it in, chewing for a long time with a disgusted face, covering his mouth and trying hard to swallow only to finally gag it all into his napkin. he does this two or three more times before finally giving up.

"does that always happen?" i ask. he nods.

"pretty much standard," he confirms before moving the tray and swinging his legs out of the bed.

"where are you going?" i ask, getting nervous.

"just getting up to stretch is all," he says in a slightly annoyed tone, i think he's caught on already that i'm gonna watch him for a while.

he stands up and stretches his arms and back before looking down at his bandaged wrists.

"i didn't have any new ones on my arms though?" he asks, confused.

i feel a lump in my throat as he goes to remove the bandage that was only half healed, to see a bright red scar of the words on his arm. all the other scars were at least his skin tone, why was that one red?

his face falls before he sits on the bed and stares at it, tracing his fingers across.

"this is bull shit..." he mumbles, before hit himself lightly i the head.

"shut up for once will you?" he asks, before turning to me.

"i know that looks pretty crazy..." he chuckles humorlessly.

"i know why you feel that way though." i try to comfort, and show that i at least kinda understand.

"well, all my books are back in the common room, and i doubt you'd go get them... soooooo-" he trails off trying to think of something to do.

"Mr. Malfoy, you've made a better recovery then expected, if you'd like to leave your robes are right beside you." the nurse tells him

he sighs with relief and actually thanks her before beginning to dress, he ignores me as i couldn't help but stare. yes he was skin bone and bandages, but something about him was so... beautiful, i don't know why i felt this, i haven't and don't have any prior feelings towards Draco, just a friend... that's all


	10. Chapter 10

Draco's POV

i noticed Potter had my wand and i extended my hand for it before we left. he seemed hesitant almost, dear god!

"Potter, can i please have my wand?" i asked, very annoyed at this display.

he hesitates again before handing it to me before we begin walking out and down the crowded corridor... they part like their avoiding the plague, and i see people staring and whispering.

 _ **"these people hate you, you can destroy them if you just listen to me"**_

i ignore all the stares and the whispers both real and in my head, and just look straight forward, walking to the Slytherin common room, Potter close behind.

as i walk in i see a few people in there and they side eye me and Harry as i grab my book off the table and sit down on the sofa.

Harry stands there awkwardly, much like i did that night in the Gryffindor common room.

"well sit down," i tell him before opening my book to the page i left at, i got three pages in and just couldn't concentrate with Harry just sitting there staring at the fire. i finally close my book and turn to sit cross legged facing him.

i just stare for a long time ad can tell he's trying to avoid looking at me, finally however, he breaks.

"can i help you?" he asks, trying not to smile.

"your bright red," i reveal to him, why would he be blushing? why was his blushing making ME blush? ugh!

"it's hot by the fire," he says. that's true it could very well be that.

i nod in response before I go over to the chess table.

"let's play," i say, he agrees, and i never realized how competitive Potter was, and i thought i was bad!

"how DARE you!" he shouts as i take out his knight, and i do the same when he takes my bishop. we're on i think our seventh game when one of the girls sticks her head down.

"keep it down! we're trying to sleep!" she snaps at up.

i look at the clock and see it's well near eleven o'clock.

"we, should probably get some rest." i say, standing up.

"b-but!" Harry protests his angry face being almost adorable. really? that's strange... since when is he adorable or even cute? i shake it off and smile to myself.

"we'll just say you won." i chuckle.

he nods and we go up to my dormitory where i see an extra bed and trunk? oh, yeah, i'm on watch so i guess Potter can't really leave me.

strangely however Voldemorts been very quiet through this, not telling me to kill him or things like that. all my roommates are asleep so i get my clothes as quietly as possible, i see Harry already changing and feel my face turn red at his tones back.

turning around i focus on getting changed. and climbing into bed, drawing the curtains, only to have Harry pull one of them open a moment later.

"leave this one open please?" he asked.

i roll my eyes and pull the covers over my face. they treat me like i'm helpless, or unstable, i don't know how they plan to get rid of Him but I've seen his plans, he has a backup for everything. and these punishments he's inflicting are just the tip of the ice burg for what he's got up his sleeve to get me to listen. and judging by the book, i don't have much longer before it gets worse, much worse.

(sorry about chapter 6 and 7, to make up here are two new chapters! hope ya'll still like it, thanks for reading and more to come! 3)


	11. Chapter 11

Harry's POV

i wasn't fully asleep, i wasn't fully awake either, when i heard footsteps hurry out the room.

sitting up i look over to Draco's bed to find it empty, shit!

getting up i hurry to find him and see him running into the men's lavatory. i follow and see the same sight i saw when i was first learning about all this, except he didn't make it to the toilet in time, he made due with a sink.

"Draco, Draco what happened?" i asked.

"i got sassy in a dream," he chuckles, as blood and acid drip from his mouth and nose, before another round comes up, it looks clotted and gross and i know it's not food cause he didn't swallow any of dinner.

"Draco, sit down okay?" i ask, trying to pull him away, he holds up a finger and take a few deep breaths, before turning on the sink to wash off, and tries to drink... he spits it out in the end though.

finally letting me pull him to the ground i see his sleep shirt soaked in blood, and his face red and sweaty from stress.

we sit there in silence for a long time just listening to his rugged breathing.

"how often does that happen?" i ask him

"that's only the second time, i don't know how he chooses what to do, but i can tell their gonna get worse soon." he explains, and that gets me more worried.

"Draco, what does it feel like? all this i mean, having me watch you?" i ask.

he thinks for a long time on that, and i start to think he's not gonna answer.

"it feels, like no one trusts you, but at the same time you have the responsibility of the world on you. like you are the entire balance of both good and evil, and both are fighting for dominance. everyone who see's you thinks your a freak, and everyone who tries to help you is really trying, but you feel like you can't be helped, like... there's no way out, just..."

"trapped" i finish for him, he nods.

"yeah, that."

we sat there for a long time with me just listening, it sounded like utter torment the things he hears.

"he seems like he's lost his mind, sometimes he tells me about his plans, sometimes riddles that don't make sense, sometimes he wants me get very specific things, like a book on Three Headed Dogs, just cause he liked it when he was young. he tells me weird facts about things that you'd think wouldn't matter, but he treats them like the most important things. he told me about how he was a 'player' in school, but i don't know if i believe it." Draco went on, about all the insignificant things that he was hearing, and how he really was Voldemorts only embodiment, as far as he knew.

"what was the strangest think he's told you?" i ask finally.

"i dunno, he once said that if i were to eat a Pixie he'd let me swallow it, but i don't know if he was joking or not..." Draco confesses.

that's...weird, i question the wizards madness once again, but push it away.

"and you mentioned something called Survival mode? what's that?" i ask

"it's basically, a coping mechanism for my mind to deal with a tough situation. i was in it for most of the Death Eater period, i don't feel, or really think too clear, my brains main function is to stay alive. i was told that i had the chance to become part of Dumbledores army, but apparently i went back, i guess i saw that as the only way i could stay alive was with the people who hurt me, it doesn't make sense but... it's the only thing i can think."

"you don't remember it?" i ask, confused.

"i remember bits a pieces, fire, death, tears, fear, and... a blue light..." he says, confused by the thought of it.

"what do you mean?" i ask.

"a blue light, in the shape of an animal, i don't know if i made it appear or what, i was in danger... that's all i know..." he said with a sigh.

that, sounded like a patronus.

"do yoou know what happened after that?" i asked.

he was silent, thinking for a long moment, before answering.

"i was able to think clearly for a while, and discover that i really wanted out, i wanted out more then anything... i remember...well... i dunno for sure-" he thought out loud.

"what? what do you remember?" i asked, scooting closer.

"i-i think i might have scratched out the Dark Mark, i don't know, jut somethings telling me i did." he explained.

"i think it's very possible," i agreed,

we fell into another moment of silence, before i decided to get up.

"we gotta get you to bed," i tell him.

"it's no use, i'm never able to sleep well," he complained.

"never?" my brow furrows in concern.

"well... once, i fell asleep on the couch... um... that was a good sleep," he tells me, as i take his hand and help him up.

taking out my wand i cast a cleaning spell on his night shirt to get the stain off of it, before we go out to the Slytherin sofa where i tell him to lay down, he does so and i see blankets beside it. i take one and throw it over him before sitting down on the end, by his feet. he kicks the end of the blanket over my lap and i can't help but smile, i don't know when it happened, but we're actually on friendly terms, i don't think i was ever even truly mad about the war, at least not at him.

i lay my head back and wait till i can hear his steady breathing, i didn't hear it come, before i fell asleep myself


	12. Chapter 12

Draco's POV

Harry fell asleep first, but since he had listened to me ramble, and also for staying on the couch with me the other night, i stayed with him. sitting up i positioned the blanket over his lap and questioned what i wanted to do.

i laid my head down by his leg and looked up at the ceiling. i heard Voldemort whispering in the weird language again, but he sounded different. looking up i saw Harry's lips moving, that's not Voldemort, Harry's making that noise! he is a Parseltongue isn't he? that must be the language!

"what's he saying?" i ask him in my head.

i don't know why but i felt that Voldemort felt disgusted, why?

"wouldn't you like to know?" he snapped.

"jeez i at least looked in the book didn't i? you know you can't train something effectively with only negative reinforcement, there's gotta be positive too." i argued back, it's weird how casual I've become with this, knowing full well this is a dangerous line.

he was silent for a minute before, a feeling of nervousness was emanating through my mind.

"he says he's warm, and that he really likes Eagles," he told me... weird, Eagles? why Eagles?

"your going to make me spell it out for you aren't you?" Voldemort asks.

"would you?" i whisper, shocked.

"i'm feeling generous so yes, why not!" he says annoyed. i wait for the answer.

"an Eagle is your Patronus, you've used it once before and I've seen it, you put two and two together." he hissed before going away.

that's my Patronus? but... oh never mind, it's probably him just trying to get in my head, and Harry having a weird dream.

i turned to face the fire and closed my eyes, and for the second time since the school year started, i slept peacefully.

waking up to the school bells going off, i feel someone running their fingers across my scalp and through my hair. as i move the hand stops and i look up to see Harry, with my head in his lap again?

"was that you?" i ask, sitting up.

"um-" he begins but can't finish before all of Slytherin house gets up to leave for breakfast.

"we should probably get dressed." Harry says, waiting for me to get up, i simply nod and we go up to the dorms and change, assumable facing away from one another, however when i turn around Harry was by the door ad i see his eyes dart to the window. was he watching? i feel my face turn red before we make our way down to breakfast.

"do you mind not sitting with your friends?" i ask him, he already knew i wanted to eat alone most of the time.

"it's totally fine, Ron will probably be mad, but he can get over it, i'd rather make sure you get something in, even just a smoothie." Harry tells me. i nod as we arrive, and once again i feel stares and hear whispers, i face forward to the back of the dinning hall and take my seat that i always take.

it wasn't ten seconds after Harry sat down across from me that he started putting a bunch of food on my plate. my stomach churned... except for one thing, there was a lemon biscuit there that looked dreadfully good, they used to be my favorite.

picking it up, i take a bite. he tried to ruin it on my taste buds for me but i still enjoyed the citrus sweetness mixed into the light layer of frosting. i was actually able to swallow it without too much trouble and the help of a drink of water.

i smiled to myself in triumph and notice Harry looking at me in a way that could make hearts melt, and i felt flustered.

"foolish boy..." Voldemort sneered before there was a scratch on my outer thigh, i rubbed it a little till it went away and eyed my plate for something else that might work. eyeing the table as well nothing really caught me. i still tried a few bites of toast, not managing to get any down.

as i finished trying Granger and Weasley came up and sat down. i didn't look up and just focused on my plate.

"hey Harry, you must have mistaken him for a giant cat, cause he's a pussy," Ron joked. i saw Harry shoot him a look and Hermione hit him upside the head.

"Ron, that's cruel and you know it!" she snapped at him before turning to me as i played with a bit of sausage on my plate.

"how are you feeling Draco?" she asked.

"fine," i say casually, putting my fork down and giving Harry a look as if to say 'can we please leave?'

he gave me one back saying in a minute.

we sat in an awkward silence for what felt like a while, but was probably only ten seconds before Ron asked to speak to Harry alone. he looked hesitant till Hermione said she'd stay with me, they then walked a few seats down to talk.

we sat in silence once again and i thought o the dream i had while in hospital.

"could you maybe take another bite?" she asked, trying to be as nice as possible.

i chuckle a little.

"i know i look like shit, but i- there's no way for me to physically get it down," i tell her honestly, she just nods and i look over to Harry and Ron. they both looked upset, before Harry stood up and came back over, Ron staying there.

"what's wrong?" Hermione asked.

"i'll tell you later," is all he said.

it was about me and i know it, i decided to just leave whether Harry follows or not, class is soon anyways.

i hurried through the halls and i heard him yell for me to wait up, before catching up.

"you can't do that Malfoy." he told me

"doesn't matter your in a fight with your friend now because of me." i sigh.

"Draco, common, Ron's just being moody, he'll get over it , seriously." he says happily.

i just nod as we make our day through classes. in Potions however i was passed a note. it was a drawing of me laying dead with a bunch of poison bottles by me.

i pay no mind to it and merely toss it in the bin before going back to trying to pay attention.

i feel tired, really tired, i just want to go to bed, nightmares or not. as the last class ends Harry can sense this on me and we walk back to the Slytherin housing, where i proceed to throw off my robs and crawl in bed in just my trousers, quickly i fall asleep and oddly enough, not too many nightmares... until i woke up


	13. Chapter 13

Harry's PoV

i sat on the bed and studied wail some students came by to change or grab something. every once in a while i would glance up to make sure he was still there. i don't think Draco's unstable, but if he had the option to do it again, i know he would consider it.

noon passed, and Dinner passed. a slytherin prefect stopped in to do a room check, he seemed nice enough so i asked if he had anything to eat. without hesitation he produced a few chocolate bars from under his bed.

"thanks mate," i smile.

"yeah, just don't tell anyone, that's my secret stash," he says before going to dinner. i wonder if i should let Draco sleep or not, but decide of he got a bite at breakfast he probably wouldn't be allowed one at dinner. he stays asleep all through the night as well,

in the morning i finally decide to wake him up just as everyone else was getting up,

"Draco, common, it's time for school." i tell him, no response.

"Draco?" i ask, shaking him a bit more, still nothing.

"Draco!" i shout, earning the attention from everyone else in the room. he doesn't stir.

i shake him more and still nothing, i turn to one of them,

"get the nurse!" i order he says nothing and runs out the room, as i continue shaking him, thinking back through the day before, no time he could have gotten to anything, i watched him every time he held his wand, we didn't even mix anything in potions! the hell!

" I am alive without breath and cold as death. I am never thirsty but always drinking." he mutters to himself.

"Draco? what does that mean?" i ask, shaking him more till finally he opens his eyes and looks around groggily.

i let out a deep breath of relief and sit down by his bed.

he looks over at me confused.

"what? what is it?" he asks.

"i was scared, i-i thought... ugh, i don't wanna know what i thought... just... ugh..." i stutter, suddenly not able to form words around my intense relief.

he comes and sits down next to me, still in the trousers from yesterday.

"i wouldn't wake up? is that what happened?" he asked, confused.

"yeah, i just... i dunno." i sigh.

"i was passed a note in potions today, it may have had a sleeping charm on it to do exactly that," he chuckles.

"yesterday," i correct him,

"hm?"

"that was yesterday you slept the rest of the day and through the night," i inform him.

"damn..." was all he said before beginning to dress himself. i decided to do the same and got into my Gryffindor robes.

we made our way down to breakfast and i was prepared for the same routine of him trying to eat and failing. however, a house elf came up to him with a tray and set it in front of him.

"Headmistress asked me to deliver these." he said before hurrying back to the kitchen. Draco raised an eyebrow before lifting the lid.

"what is that?" i asked as his eyes lit up.

"um, i don't know for sure but i saw Voldemort mix ice cream and butter beer together a lot, I've told McGonagall about this being his favorite briefly, it's worth a shot."

he picks up the large glass and takes a sip before i see his eyes roll back into his eyes.

slamming his hand down on the table earning a few looks from neighboring tables he begins to down the glass without a second breath.

"Malfoy? Malfoy! breath!" i tell him, only after its half gone does he stop.

"Dear GOD I LOVE THIS!" he exclaims before finishing the rest of it, before grabbing a spoon to eat the ice cream out of it.

"you actually finished it..." i say with a big grin on my face.

"hey, it tasted good for once, and nothing was stopping me, sooooo... yeah." he says casually before eating the rest of the ice cream.


	14. Chapter 14

Draco's POV

i could feel Voldemort smiling at the drink, he didn't eat or drink in front of people often, but when needed that would always be his drink of choice.

"another i think," i heard him say.

"anything else you want?" i ask him, before i could feel his sneer.

"nothing, you get nothing." he scolded, returning to his nature of evil comments, and doubting phrases.

i sigh but feel that maybe i could trick him into letting me eat things like that, that he used to enjoy.

i turn my attention back to Harry as he happily ate, before Weasley came up.

"Harry! Mums coming to visit today! are you really gonna miss that over this?" he asked, Harry looked torn.

"Seriously Harry you don't need to stay with me," i told him.

"i actually do, McGonagall's orders." he informed me, i sighed. i don't really have much of a dislike for the Weasleys anymore, just Potters thickheaded friend, so...

"if i go with you... you can see them?" i ask, both Harry and Ron looked shocked that i'd even offer it.

"really?" Harry asked.

"ON the condition, that no sour remarks are to be made, and you all generally ignore my existence." i say, looking to Weasley.

"don't need to tell me twice," he scoffs before patting Harry on the back and giving me a suspicious look before walking away down the hall.

"that's really kind of you Draco," Harry smiles.

"well... i'm not happy about it... but i'm trying to change, so it seems like the thing to do." i lie.

really i just didn't want to see Harry sad, and something in me doesn't like the fact that if he's given a choice between whats essentially his family and me, i know he'd pick them in a heart beat.

it was the end of the day and i was walking to the great hall with Potter, him talking about how excited he is to see them, i say nothing and nod politely. am i nervous? hell yeah i am! Mr. Weasley was my fathers work rival, i don't know what he'll even think to have me there.

as Harry pushed the doors open i saw the two of them there, Ms. Weasley basically radiated kind right when i walked in i could tell. her smile didn't even falter on seeing me, though she did seem a little confused, Mr. Weasley's expression wasn't readable, Ron Weasley already there whispered something to his father, who furrowed his brow, now more confused.

"i'll be over there," i tell Harry quietly before going to a chair in the far corner and get started on homework, still able to hear, though i wish i wasn't able too.

"Harry dear, how are you? eating well? dressing warm? it's only going to get colder you know." Ms. Weasley fawned over him.

"yes Molly, i'm doing well, i am, and i am, and i agree" Harry laughed, it was nice to see him smile so much.

suddenly however, Mr. Weasley pulled him aside to 'catch up' shooting me a look before walking far enough away that i couldn't hear them, which i was glad about but at the same time it scratched at my skin...oh...wait.

to my surprise Ms. Weasley came up and sat down next to me.

"hello Draco," she smiled, but gave me a warning look to not provoke her, i wasn't planning too.

"ms. Weasley?" i say with a polite smile

"how have you been?" she asked, i shrug,

"honestly, i've been better." i say trying to sound casual, she still reads right through and looks at me concerned.

"everything okay?" she asked.

"don't you dare!" he shouts at me, as i feel his grip on my shoulders.

"yeah, just a rough spell is all," i play off, she nods, deciding to let it go.

"so, you and Harry are making amends?" she asks.

"i hope so," i say with a small smile, feeling almost a blush.

"what do you mean? why else would you come with him?" she asks,

"um..." i don't quite know what to say to that, tell the truth? make up a lie?

Harry breaks me out of it as he comes up and sits down to talk with her, Mr. Weasely looking at me concerned as Ron talks to him.

i swallow hard, i feel like the room is closing in on me all of the sudden, i feel my throat closing up and a tense pressure building in my chest, i don't know whats going on, just that i had to leave, and i had to leave now.

"i'll be in the loo," is all i say before hurrying to the nearest restroom, it's thankfully empty as i fall to the ground and gasp for breath.

i can't move,

i can't move,

everything's closing in

no way out,

can't breath,

can't speak,

can't think,

need out, now!

the door opens and Harry hurries in, to see me clutching my chest trying to get air into my lungs and trying to control my thoughts.

"Draco? listen to me! you need to take deep breaths okay?" he asks, taking my hand he puts it on his chest, so i can feel his heart beat.

"match my breath," he tells me.

i close my eyes and try to only focus on that.

breath in,

breath out,

in...and out...

we sit like that for several minutes before i can finally feel like i have air in my lungs and a small sense of relief, come back. the room isn't collapsing and i can actually think.

"that was aweful..." i mutter.

"it was just a panic attack," Harry tells me.

"still... i felt like i was dying... like everything was gonna collapse over me..." i sigh.

"do you think it was a punishment?" Harry asks. i think for a moment.

"i don't know, i didn't do anything wrong, there weren't really any protests from him... it just... happened," i sigh before getting up and offering a hand to help him up, which he takes.

"we can go back to your common room if you want?" he asks. i shake my head.

"these people are your family, and i'm not gonna take that away from you." i tell him, as we walk back into the great hall they all seem to leave me well enough alone after that, but i really wanted Harry to come sit by me, and focus on me, and talk to me, but i can't ask someone to do that to their family. it would be... unfair.


	15. Chapter 15

Draco's POV

it's getting colder out day by day, and i can feel the dread of Christmas time coming upon us. and i know that when i go home for the holidays, which i will as no one wants me here, that i'll still be alone. i think Harry's going with the Weasley's to their house.

Harry is no longer following my every move but he still comes to my dorm every morning and every time i'm not in there he's by my side. i wish i could say it was annoying, i really wish i could, but it's only made me want to spend even more time with him, no matter where he goes.

and during the Holidays it'll be a three week period of no Harry with me, just being alone in Malfoy Manor with Voldemort inevitably coming back stronger. i don't know why, but whenever Harry's around, he seems to be quiet, or at least less strong. i still get scratched, and they've started to bleed a bit now. a new one has come as well that i haven't told Potter about, my breathing stops, completely. making me suffocate, and i keep trying to get air in, but it's like I've forgotten how till i'm about to faint, then i get a breath of air.

as i woke up this morning i was freezing , why's the window open? i get up to close it and i can see my breath in the winter air, looking up i see that it is, in fact, not morning at all, but the middle of the night. i'm not tired it seems, but i did have something i want to do. last time we went to Hogsmead i was able to get Potter to go somewhere with Ron and Hermione, they seem to tolerate me enough to hang around me and Harry. i don't say much, afraid to sound like a jerk, but i feel Hermione can slowly tell i'm changing, i don't know about Ron.

Anyways, when they we're doing that i went to one of the few portrait stores there and had gotten copies of portraits of everyone made, they weren't moving ones unfortunately but they were something for him to have of them, as he's said once that he felt he had so little of those who passed. and when i say everyone i mean everyone who was lost in the war, or anyone who ever lost their life to Voldemort, and as an apology to the Weasleys for all the dreadful things i, and my father had said over the years i got a speaking portrait for them, it wasn't big as i don't think they would want that, just enough, that even though it's not the real they could still feel that they're there.

i went down to the common room and wrapped the photograph, and them being a bloody pain wail i did it.

"it's dark under this!" he protested.

"you're a present! it's to apologize to the Weasley's!" i exclaim, finally getting them to go to sleep and be quiet, before going to the great hall where i had the giant painting hung, as it was still invisible, i made it visible to look at it, for any imperfections, any flaws, seeing none i hid it again, i was about to turn around and head back to my Common room when,

"turn around and be ready," was whispered in my ear.

i turned around slowly and froze... Harry was there, tears in his eyes... he saw it!

"um... that was supposed to be a surprise..." i mumble, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. i couldn't do anything else before he brought me into a tight embrace. he held me close and tight and i felt a heat spread in my chest, i felt fierce scratching at me, but i don't care, i would bleed out if it meant i could stay like this, forever. i carefully returned the embrace and just enjoyed it.

"thank you," he said to me before letting go a few minutes later, which felt too soon.

"can you make it appear again?" he asked, i did as asked and he looked it up and down, undoubtedly naming every person there.

"see those two?" he asked, pointing to the middle, there i froze. it was the man and woman from my dream!

"yeah?" i ask.

"that's Lily and James Potter, my parents." he smiled. i felt my heart almost stop, that's what they meant? Harry's- he's gonna get rid of this for me? i mean it kinda made sense, but they spoke of it like true love.

"hey, why so red?" he asked me, i saw him turn red too as he noticed.

"um... weather," is all i could think of. he nods in agreement, almost like we both wanted an excuse, before turning back to look at the portrait that stood nearly six feet tall and twelve feet wide in order to get a good angle from everyone's face, and the artist seemed to capture each personality as well.

we stood there till morning came and i felt sadness in the deepest pits of me. but i'll just have to suffer through, without my cure, without the friend i held so dear to me...


	16. Chapter 16

Harry's POV

after Draco went back to the Slytherin Common room i ran to wake up Ron and Hermione. they groggily got up and followed me out to the great hall and their jaws dropped at the sight.

"did you put this here Harry?" asked Ron shocked. i still had tears in my eyes as i shook my head.

"Malfoy did! i saw him do it! h-he... it's his Christmas present to me..." i sobbed in sheer awe at all of this.

they looked at me in disbelief before turning back, the strangest part was, there was no way to tell it was from him. he didn't want credit, he just wanted the school to have this there, cause to him it gave them comfort.

the Weasley family came at two to pick us up and i saw Draco on his way out as well, to a car that was completely empty.

"Draco!" i call, waving him over.

none of the Weasleys protested, but at the same time Ron and George and Ginny and their father didn't look to happy, but Molly didn't seem to mind.

he came up and stood there awkwardly.

"hey..." he said,

"where are you off to?" i ask.

"just, home." he said. i furrowed my brow.

"but there will be no one there, you're spending Christmas alone?" i asked. everyone's face softened to a look of pity. seeming to make Draco more uncomfortable.

"yeah, it's just how it is, can't visit Askaban this time of year as it's when people try to break out the most, so..." he says. Molly almost looked heartbroken.

"but... um... here..." he said reaching into his bag and handing a flat present to Molly,

"what's this?" asked Mr. Weasley, skeptical.

"it's an apology, for everything that either i or my father has said, you all are good people and, well... it wasn't fair, i just... i wanted you to have that, even though it's still not right," he said, looking at his feet, before turning around to head back to the car.

"Draco-" i call after him. without turning around he does a wave.

"merry Christmas Potter," he calls before getting into the car and having the driver fly off to Malfoy Manor, where he's in that big house all alone, on what's supposed to be the happiest time of the year, and though i haven't heard him talk about it much, he still is rarely able to swallow, i see the marks, and i hear him mumble to himself, Voldemort is not gone from his head, and i still worry. all the same though we take Draco's present, and get in the car, and drive to the Weasley's small but homey house, where it is completely decorated, to celebrate the holidays which start in just a few days, it will be Christmas.

"wake up Ron! Wake up Hermione it's Christmas!" i shout, to them in their shared bed to get up, we all run downstairs to see a box out for each of us, as well as Percy, and Bill, and Charlie, and George, and Ginny, and me and Ron had gotten Mr. and Ms. Weasley a new coffee pot, not the most exciting, but they asked for it, so they wouldn't have to wash between coffee and tea.

once every one was up and sat down, Hermione got a stack of books which she was so happy about, Ron and i got big tubs of popcorn, Charlie got dragon statues, Percy a new set of work clothes, as well as Bill. George got a set of lock picks, despite Percy's protests. once all the presents were opened, one caught my eye.

"what about that one?" i ask, pointing to the small, flat present.

"ah, yes! Draco's Present!" smiled Molly.

"maybe, maybe we should leave it for a bit later?" suggested Arthur, he still didn't trust it fully.

"nonsense, that boy is really trying to change, and you trying to doubt that! that is an awful thing Arthur!" she said before unwrapping it... she froze, tears came to her eyes.

"what is it mum?" asked George, Mr. Weasley was shocked too.

"merry Christmas mum, dad." i knew that voice!

we all got up to see the moving photo of Fred there waving at us. i knew they wanted one of these from the beginning, but couldn't afford it, they cost an arm and a leg, but Draco got it for them...

"oh! my dear!" Molly burst into tears at the sight of him.

"oh honey! your with us for Christmas!" Molly cried, i felt a pit in my stomach, Draco was alone though, as if reading my thoughts Arthur shot up off the couch.

"that's it! i tried to doubt him! but we can't do this!" he states, starting to pick up his things from around the room.

"what are you doing?" asked Percy.

"get around kids, we're going to visit a new member of the family!"


	17. Chapter 17

Draco's POV

i woke up and sighed, an empty room, and an empty house, not that we ever really did anything for the holidays, but it was still hard, i wouldn't have that big meal with my family no matter how much i dreaded the suit i had to wear. i wouldn't see mum force Father to kiss her under the mistletoe, or aunt Belatrix get drunk and dancing to the radio. no, nothing of the old traditions that most would find awful, i did at the time, but now i want something.

i got up and put on my robe before going to the kitchen to make a pot of tea,

"pathetic, we could get those traditions back if you. JUST. LISTEN!" he yelled at me.

"find someone else, how about that?" i asked him, he grumbled at that and i heard him huff before being quiet. it's true that he's gotten worse since being away from Potter, i've already almost fainted from him taking away my breath twice.

as the tea was ready i poured a cup and just as i was about to sit down and drink it wail reading a book, there was a ringing at the door.

i furrowed my brow and got up, i don't know what that was. no Carolers would dare come here, and i wasn't expecting anyone.

as i opened it however it was like i just got hit with a wave of warmth.

there they were... all the Weasleys, Granger, and...Harry Potter.

i felt like such a fool just standing there, till finally i could for words.

"i-i don't understand..." i admitted.

"oh please Draco darling, no one should be alone on Christmas!" Ms. Weasley said with a big smile.

i felt tears prickle in my eyes. they were still in pajamas, and hand-me down house coats, and held blankets, and crock pots full of food, they were ready, to have a proper Christmas, one I've never experienced.

"p-please, come in!" i say with the biggest grin i'd ever had on my face.

"i'll make more tea." i say, as George walk in, i catch Fred waving in the portrait of him that he carried.

i felt warmth spread through me, and for the first time in what must have been four or five months i felt something... i felt hungry...

after making some tea, i looked through the fridge, it all had a replenishment spell on them, so the essentials were there.

believe it or not i was actually a good cook, as a kid i hung out with the servants and they taught me how to make some things, the basics like eggs, and bacon, cut fruit, and cook veggies, as well as other things.

i helped them all set up the food that they brought before getting started on breakfast, the smile never leaving my face.

"let me help you with that dear," says Ms. Weasley, coming into the kitchen with her tea cup, holding it very carefully, afraid to break it. it really wouldn't matter though that's one of hundreds that my mother collected.

"no that's fine," i say, still with a smile.

"please, we just invade your house, let me help!" she smiled.

"ms. Weasley, you have six kids, and now have an extra two for a couple weeks, let me give you a much needed rest," i exclaim. i see her looked surprised before sighing, almost... disappointed, making me sigh too.

"okay... you work on dinner, i'll tackle breakfast, how about that?" i ask, she lights up.

"you've got it! i'm gonna fatten you up so much you won't fit through the door! you're only bones!" she exclaims. it made me a little uncomfortable she noticed, but at the same time i felt warmth in my chest once again. i cooked in batches, bacon, eggs in the bacon grease, then bacon again, eggs again, repeat. salting and peppering and putting olive oil and cheese on top, before sliding the eggs and bacon in between two pieces of toast, i did this for everyone to have two, except me, i had one as i don't know how long my hunger will last.

i use wingardium leviosa to take everything over to the table and everyone's eyes bulge.

"this looks amazing!" stats Bill, who i hadn't spoken to much. i had a worry that they would think i would poison them so i don't wait to get started eating and they all follow suit... oh god did it taste amazing!

i give Harry a look to say as if i'm in heaven and i finish my food, i was still hungry, not knowing why, doesn't your stomach shrink after not enough food consumption?

Harry sees this and slides his extra over to me.

"you sure?" i ask.

"positive," he smiles. once again, warmth, but this time stronger and warmer then ever before.

i smile back before polishing off the second sandwich. i see everyone enjoying the food and that makes me extremely happy, just that i could feed them when they came over, despite their previous feelings, and how i treated them in the past, they opened their arms too me and didn't take no for an answer even though it wasn't one in the first place.

after breakfast i turn on the radio and go to the cellar and try to make a decision. is it too early for wine? it's a holiday, and Father always made that an excuse for drinking, but at the same time i'm starting to see how awful my family was during this time. i'll play it safe and get flavored water out instead, and offer it as an option.

coming upstairs i pour a few glasses and say,

"I also have wine if at any point someone wants some,"

"on the Holidays?" jokes Mr. Weasley, yup, flavored water was a good road to take.

after everyone has a bottle i finally sit down in what once was my fathers chair, i make the fire light with my wand and i start to get to know them, we aren't talking for ten minutes before i see George looking around disapprovingly, i get nervous, what does he see?

"something wrong?" i ask him .

"you don't even have a tree!" he exclaims, i feel my face heat up, is that required? everyone looks around and notices the same thing,

"is that bad?" i ask, anxiety evident in my voice.

"perhaps you just forgot we can help decorate, where are they?" asked Ginny,

"where are what?" i ask back.

"the... decorations?" she said back growing concerned as if i just kicked a puppy.

"uhhh... the thing is... my family wasn't big on celebration of things, soooo..." i explain carefully

everyone's eyes bulge and i want to crawl in a hole and die, until.

"that just won't do! we have plenty at out house! Ron, George, Arthur! go get the extra's from home!" Molly exclaimed.

i didn't know what to say, do i let them do that? i mean i kinda wanna see this place not depressing, but at the same time i don't want them to feel bothered.

"no, no that's okay, you don't have too." i protest,

"oh please Draco, Christmas decorating is what we do best! Ginny and i will run to the store, Charlie, Percy, and Bill, go get a tree," she states.

i furrow my brow and see them all look worried, i'm not for sure, but money seemed to play a factor.

"well. if you insist on doing this, i'll pay for it," i say,

"oh, Draco Darling, don't-"

"mum..." Bill chimed in, giving her a look. she looked conflicted.

"really Ms. Weasley, my parents left me everything before being shipped off, i can afford it, trust me." i smile, she smiles back.

"Call me Molly," she says before i notice just how lit up her eyes are and how happy she seems, just to be... i don't even now what you'd call it, feeling useful maybe?

i hand them each a couple Galleon and some sickles, and ask all of them if they needed any help.

"nooo! most Christmas's we help someone decorate whether it be less fortunate, or whatever. it's always nice to do it for one of our own," say's George, before they all left, closing the door behind them, leaving me frozen in my tracks. one of them? what did that mean? i sat down right there and just thought about that, like, a friend? or... like another Wizard? yeah, that sounds more right.

"you okay?" Harry asked, coming up to me, i hadn't realized he was still here.

"what did he mean... one of them?" i asked.

"you're joking right?" asked Harry.

i look at him blankly, what on earth are they on about?

"your a part of the Family now!" he reveals excitedly.

...

...

...

...

Family? but... isn't family just blood? well... maybe in my old family, but not to them, to them... Blood and Water are both things you need to stay alive, and they follow that.

i don't know what happened... my dam just burst, and tears flowed from my eyes like i was a child.

"f-family?" i ask.

"Family," he confirms.

"family! like an actual family?" i ask.

"what are you on about?" he asks.

"that- that care, and does things, and helps, and, and, and... everything else!?" i exclaim.

"yes! Draco, that cares, and does things together, and helps, and everything else!" he says smiling back.

i immediately switch from crying uncontrollably to laughing hysterically.

"are- are you okay?" he asked, confused.

"i'm... i'm amazing! this is so amazing, it's like in the old books they read to you as kids, or... or the recitals you put on at school when young, i never thought it actually happened," i muse. Harry looked upset by that though.

"what? what did i say?" i asked him.

"that's what i thought my first Christmas with them too," he said, before helping me up.

"so, have you ever had a snowball fight?" he asks, as we go back into the lounge.

"no, I've seen them, but Father always called them improper use of time," i explain.

"snow men?"

"nope,"

"snow forts?"

"that's a thing?"

"maple taffy?!"

"what does that have to do with snow?" i ask.

"oh god... we have a lot to cover." he explains.

"can i borrow a coat?" he asks.

i nod, thinking about what he has planned, i hand him a fur coat and put on mine that's just lined in it.

"um... i don't think this suits me..." he says, i turn around to see him drowning in the coat, causing me to laugh again.

"right, try this one." i say, handing him another. he puts on the black fleece lined coat with silk trimming, and i must say, he looks rather dashing in it. i felt my cheeks turned red before i also gave him proper snow boots and rabbit fur lined gloves.

"all this snow stuff and you've never proper played in the snow?" he asks, not buying it.

"it's true, most of this is Fathers, the fur coat was mum's though." i explain.

"well what did you have then?" he asked. i think for a minute.

"i had a coat, not as nice as this, but still warm enough, he said my feet grew too fast to get nice boots though." i chuckle, before seeing him look sad again.

"common no more reflecting, what do you have planned?" i asked,

he smiles at that before we go outside,

"go over there," he tells me, i shrug and do as told, and i'm not even halfway to the spot before i feel something hit my back, the bitch just threw snow at me!

i glare at him before taking a handful and doing the same.

this is the best Christmas i've ever had, and it's all thanks to the best family ever.


	18. Chapter 18

Harry's POV

they ended up being able to decorate the whole house with the money Draco gave them! and i don't know what happened but that night we were all laughing and talking around the dinner table, and Draco was properly eating for the first time in ages, it was an honest to god Christmas miracle. by the time anyone even mentioned leaving it was long past dark

"you can stay here if you'd like, there's plenty of rooms." Draco offered.

"aww thank you so much Draco, but we've been bothering you all day! you probably want some rest!" Molly protested, just cause she wanted to hear his answer.

"oh please. this. this has been the best Christmas, an actual proper one, and... i couldn't thank you enough for it," he says happily.

she smiles and goes and gives him a big hug, which he's surprised by but returns a moment later.

"awww! group huuug!" Arthur says and comes up and hugs him as well, then George, then me and Ginny, and somehow we managed to get Ron and Hermione to join.

once we all let go i could tell Draco didn't know how to process what we had just done.

"what just happened?" he asked, obviously confused.

"oh, Draco, this family isn't very proper, i'm sorry." Arthur says un-apologetically.

"no, no, it's just... wasn't expecting that..." he chuckled, before getting up and showing everyone to their rooms, Molly and Arthur went to sleep, George took Fred's picture into the kitchen to have a chat, Ginny went to bed. Charlie, Bill and Percy sat by the fire having a glass of wine, and Draco Ron Hermione and i kinda just... talked.

"so... um..." Ron stutters not sure how to phrase his question.

"what?" asked Draco,

"have you heard him at all today? You-Know-Who?" he asked. surprisingly Draco chuckled.

"actually no, it, uh, was getting pretty bad there, then when everyone came it just... stopped. I've actually eaten properly, and i feel... great!" he says ecstatically.

Ron nods before turning to Hermione.

"well we should probably get to bed." Ron says.

"okay," she said smiling at him.

"no sex at another persons house!" George calls from the kitchen, they both turn red and Draco just looks down into his glass like the most interesting thing in the world.

"um... night," Hermione says before they both go upstairs.

"so, was your Christmas ever any fun?" i asked, as we got up to change rooms to the "formal lounge" as he called it, basically a lounge for show, which made no sense to me.

"i mean, my parents used to have this tradition, it was the only time i would ever see them do this, they would go under that little leaf thing that hung above a door and kiss under it, that's the only real affection they ever showed." he said, smiling at the memory, it's sad how that was happy for him...

"you mean the mistletoe?" i ask.

"yeah, that, i don't know why that was the spot. whenever i asked mum she just said 'that's the thing we do' so i dunno" he said. that i found absurd.

"Draco, that's a thing all couples do! on Christmas time they kiss under the Mistletoe, it's a universal tradition." i explain.

i felt so bad that he grew up basically never knowing these things, and never knowing what human contact was supposed to feel like. sure i did too, but i had Hogwarts to get that, he didn't even have that he was so brainwashed into thinking there was only one kind of proper. i saw Draco look up then blush. i looked up as well to see a Mistletoe hovering over us.

"who did that?" he asked.

"who do you think?" i ask, turning to see George, holding Fred's picture in one hand and his wand in the other peering around from the corner.

"it's tradition..." he mutters, and i feel my heart flutter.

"merry Christmas Malfoy," i say leaning in a little.

"merry Christmas Potter," he says back, before closing the gap between us, i place my hands on his hips and he puts his arms around my neck, and i can hear Fred and George quietly cheering, as a new tradition starts it seemed like, one that was never done before and so unique. a kiss under the mistletoe, to one who i feel deserves it most.


	19. Chapter 19

Harry's POV

me and Draco fell asleep on the couch that night, his head on my shoulder and my arm around his waist. i pretended to myself that i had to think hard on this, when really the decision was immediate. Draco subtly offered for me to be here with him till New Years, which i said i'd think about, when i had already made up my mind.

the next morning i pulled Molly and Arthur aside and told them this.

"why? is our house too cramped?" asked Molly, almost genuinely hurt.

"it's just that Draco has no one to be here with him, and i can tell he wants that. we'll be by for New Years though, i promise." i tell them. they nod in understanding, unable to fathom how anyone can be in this big house alone.

everyone left that afternoon and it was just me and Draco.

"i need to run to the store," he said about an hour later.

"why? what do you need?" i asked.

"just toothpaste, toilet roll, pasta, and some other stuff. ya know, groceries." he explained, closing his book and getting up.

"mind if i join?" i asked,

"if you want too," he said casually but i saw the small smirk he had.

i put on my coat which i had retrieved from the Weasley house as well as my trunk full of clothes.

Draco was in a semi-casual black suit, for some reason,

"why do you always dress so formal?" i ask, he looked down at himself.

"is this formal?" he asked. i nod slowly.

"force of habit i guess," he shrugged.

"i liked it when i saw you in that Flannel and t-shirt, that looked nice." i say, blushing a little.

"that was my 'i'm a mess' outfit though..." he scoffed, causing me to snort.

"that's what normal people wear Draco," i explain.

he sighs and shakes his head in both annoyance and amusement before we leave and he drives us to the store, it was an icy day where you could see your breath like dragon smoke, as we walked in i slipped my hand into his, he didn't make a big deal of it, but his eyes lit up at that.

walking around the store we did get looks, Harry Potter and a former Death Eater holding hands?! we were in our own bubble though, a bubble of just shopping, getting yeast, and a toothbrush for while i'm over there, and an apple pie that Draco saw i kept eyeing and threw in a can of whipped cream with it.

once finished and had our bag we drove back to the manor and sat down again on the couch.

"so what do you wanna do?" i asked. he shrugged

"wanna watch TV?" he asked, i furrowed my brow. but so few Magic Users have muggle tech, why would Draco of all people have a TV?

"what can i say? i like watching Doctor Phil and making fun of the people," he joked, before we went up to a room on the top floor, walking in i saw that it held a bed with black embroidered sheets, in front of the bed above the fire was the TV ,and a piano in the corner as well as an easel that had a big notepad propped on it. i wouldn't have pegged Draco for the artsy type.

"i didn't know you drew..." i said.

"yeah, it passes the time," he said casually before going over and flopping on the bed, before patting next to him. it just registered that this is his room, i don't know why, but it did.

all the same i went and laid next to him as he turned on the TV and played a random show. it must have been boring cause i found myself dozing off to it.

when i awoke, Draco wasn't anywhere to be seen, the easel and piano were gone as well.

i got up to go and look for him, a nervous feeling in my gut. i heard the faint tickling of piano keys as i walked into the lounge to see him on the piano, but only pressing a single key.

"Draco?" i ask, walking up,

slowly he turns, to reveal a face... that wasn't his.

"D-Draco?" i ask, staring, hoping it wasn't true.

"Draco, is dead." Voldemort hissed, growing taller till he was his old height, with those glaring eyes, and flat face.

"he has only a short matter of time before i take control, then, the Wizarding world will kneel!" he cackled. i felt fear rise in me, he can't take him away! not when he's just getting to grips again!

he grew taller and taller, his laughter getting louder and echoing throughout the room,

"Harry? Harry! wake up!"

i jumped awake to see i was in Draco's bed with him beside me.

"what's wrong? what did you dream about?" he asked, worried.

"i- it's nothing..." i lie.

"what you said doesn't sound like nothing," he said.

"what do you mean?" i asked.

"you... you said, Voldemort, the a while later said, he can't be dead..." Draco said, worry laced in his voice.

"yeah, it was just a nightmare." i promise, before pulling him into a kiss, which he returns. this seems to reassure him,

"okay, well we should probably get up," he says, getting out of the bed. i do the same and look at the clock.

"we should also make dinner," i say. i see a look of almost fear in his eyes, but he nods.

going down stairs we each get started on making our own sandwich. i watch, puzzled as Draco takes both ends of the bread for his.

"that's the worst part!" i state.

"it's the best part!" he counters before we made our food in silence. and go to the kitchen island.

i notice him grabbing a napkin, and frown, he's not confident in this, that's for sure, which worries me more.

however, he manages to eat half the sandwich before deciding on his own to stop.

"you didn't seem confident on that?" i point out, he blushes at my comment.

"yeah, i'm never confident at it, but yesterday something in me just said i WAS going to eat, something just told me i could, and... i don't have that today." he sighed, running an hand through his hair before smiling at me, trying to give reassurance, it half worked, but the dream lingered in my head.


	20. Chapter 20

Draco's POV

it's new years eve, meaning in two day's we'll be returning to school, Harry and i haven't talked about what we are, and i don't know if it bothers me or not.

as we drove over to the Weasley's, which Harry assured me i was invited to, he slept. he thought it was a great idea to stay up all night watching Friends, i've seen it, and it's honestly kinda boring, so he slept in the car on the way there, and i don't know if he'll make it till midnight.

upon arriving i woke him up and got out of the car, making sure he didn't go back to sleep, and actually got out. it was around ten o'clock, and we knocked on the door.

"oh! Harry, Draco! how nice for you to finally come! we were worried you wouldn't!" Mr. Weasley said, as we walked in.

"that was my fault, i fell asleep on the sofa, and didn't tell him what time," Harry explained, gesturing to me.

their house was small, as Harry told me, but cozy and i felt the same warmth again, with the feeling i can only describe as homey coming to mind.

"sit down you two, and i'll get you both a plate of food," Ms. Weasley told us,

"that's o-" i was stopped by Harry butting in.

"we'd love that Molly," he smiles before leading me to the table where everyone was.

"never tell her no, on having someone to take care of," Ron said bluntly.

"what do you mean?" i asked,

"she's a mother! through and through, she loves to nurture and parent and love someone to their bones," explains Harry, before she came over with two plate fulls of delicious smelling food. of course, someonee who hasn't spoken in a while had something to say.

"you're not eating that!" he sneered, and i felt a lump in my throat, i gave Harry a look, but he didn't catch it. sighing, i took up some beans and tried to eat the fork full, it didn't taste bad, it didn't really taste of anything though, which i knew wasn't the truth. he was blocking it off once again, however i was determined not to fail at this, i sat there for a while till finally i was able to swallow the mouthful, my gut wrenching at them, why?

"everything alright with it?" Ms. Weasley asked... everyone was watching, shit did i really take that long?

"yeah, um... sorry, it tastes wonderful, i just think i'm coming down with something," i say as an excuse.

"oh dear! well, i probably have a potion of some sort for that!" she say's good naturedly.

"no, no it's okay, i think i'll just need to rest once i get home." i reassure, and this time Potter doesn't protest my denying as he knows full well what it is.

"well if you think you need it, don't hesitate asking," she smiles, trying to reassure me she wasn't bothered by it.

"well, who wants a glass of wine?" Mr. Weasley asks, trying to lighten the mood.

as he hands out glasses i see he fills mine up more then standard.

"it'll help with the cold," he tells me, giving me a look as to say it's not for the cold.

i simply nod and accept it and we all sit and talk, eventually people start moving around to get into pairs for the new years kiss, i don't know what to do, but i can feel the alcohol ease my nerves.

"common," Harry say's helping me up, i feel my heart race, and a blush come to my face. it's just another kiss, we've been doing it since Christmas, why am i so anxious about this one.

"George probably already told them anyway's" he reasons, getting closer.

"okay everyone! count down in! five! four! three!"

i look into Harry's eyes and they are a sea of green, and a small smile played on his lips, the count down fades away and as we lean in and our lips meet, i feel at peace... and i feel loved. i hear a small click, and for once my body relaxes, and i'm able, truly able, to enjoy this.

once we pull away and look around, i expected to see everyone laughing, and kissing as well. instead their staring,

"i guess George didn't tell..." Harry mumbles.

"Draco... it... it looked like something left you," Percy said in shock.

i think to myself... how do i feel? i feel calm, like i could sleep forever, and an endless supply of this warmth, thing in my body... is he...

"he's gone..." i whisper.

"what?" asks Ginny, trying to hear.

"he's gone Harry!" i smile more and pull him close for another kiss. he seems surprised by this information, before smiling into the kiss himself.

"the bloody hell is goin on!" asked Ron, clearly confused.

"i have never felt more relieved! now um, Ms. Wea- Molly, if i could please have something to eat?" i ask politely, she doesn't know whats happening, but happily obliges, and Harry sits with me as i wolf down food, once again, just like on Christmas.

Harry explains to them how our relationship started... all of it... and they express how shocked they are i changed so much with You-know-Who in me, express it a little too well i must say. but it's meant as a complement.

they give us the Attic to sleep in, and Harry and i are the first to go to bed.

"so... Harry?" i ask, sitting on my end.

"yeah?" he asks, laying down on his.

"what are we?" i ask nervously.

"what do you mean?"

"are we... ya know?"

"oh shit! i never asked did i?" he cusses, my eyes bulge.

"no time like the present," i joke, making him laugh.

"well, said, so," he sits up and looks at me.

"Draco, will you be my Boyfriend?" he says hopefully.

i smile back, and think about saying no as a joke, but i can't even joke about that.

"of course," i grin, before leaning in to kiss him.

as we settle into bed i cuddle close to him, and this is the time i know that Love saved me, Harry's love saved me, and so did the Weasley's i'm never going back to my old ways, and i hope to one day call him my husband.

(the last chapter! i know, so sad, but i have one on the Marauders with Sirius being all fabulous, though not actually written in the Marauder order, and picture them at like 14 instead of 11) 333333


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